a path least travelled
I don’t think it’s an uncommon act that we often try to push away the things and the people that we love.
These people and things have value in our lives that we (inaccurately) believe may be hurting us in some way, or hindering us from doing something else that we think might be more advantageous.
Procrastination. Inaction. Doubt. Shame. All synonyms for the same thing: fear.
We’ll choose to not have a difficult conversation because we don’t like the discomfort of it. But having that conversation could improve the disagreement in some way. Or we put off making the decision to stop doing something that we know is bad for us because we know it will be difficult to stop. It’s the classic idea of path of least resistance vs the thorny path. And the truth is we probably know what is good for us but we don’t do the thing.
The problem isn’t that we don’t know the answer. We do. The problem is we lack the initiative to start doing these things that might improve our situation.
But it’s not that we don’t have the initiative inside of us. We have that too.
The truth is we don’t DO. That’s the difference. We allow ourselves to be paralyzed by our own thoughts and inaction because for some reason we believe the lie that we can’t or shouldn’t do something because we’re not ready for it. Or we won’t be better off in the long run.
Photo by Andy Holmes on Unsplash
I often write and talk about these ideas that seem to be grandiose in scope, maybe sometimes overly idealistic and wrought with tones of squeaky-clean morality. And when I do that I’ll sometimes sit on the outside of myself, perched on my own shoulder, telling myself that I shouldn’t write that, because I myself don’t have my shit together. Who are you to propose that you should listen more than you speak, to have empathy, to brush your teeth twice a day, to get five hours of exercise a week, to keep putting in the work even though you may feel like an imposter?
Of course, the truth is that I am trying to do these things that I propose are better for us in the long run. I write them and talk about them because I am going through it too. It an experiment that is alive, right now, even as I write this. I fail all the time, just like everyone else. I am constantly experimenting, building incorrect expectations, and when I meet the problem I realize that I underestimated it. I’m riffing blind in the dark, trying to navigate, recalibrating on the fly.
I’m writing this to tell myself, and to tell you, keep going. You’re not a disappointment. You need to keep going and keep trying. You’ll gain momentum as you do more. Be honest with yourself. Ground yourself in reality, you were made to fight battles and to win them when you can. And when you can’t, re-group, train harder, push through. Be your own ally. Surround yourself with a strong community.
And do the hard things now, now, now.